Live Free or Die Hard Movie Review

Live Free or Die Hard

Starring: Bruce Willis, Timothy Olyphant, Justin Long, Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Directed by: Len Wiseman

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, language and a brief sexual situation

130 min

Look at that face, people. Rocky, in the new Rocky movie, looked like an old slab of meat that had sat in the sun for like thirteen years. (that doesn’t mean I didn’t like the movie, I did, honest. But, meat is meat.) I do not look forward to seeing him shirtless and carrying a big gun in the next and in my honest opinion completely unnecessary Rambo movie. I am already squeezing my eyes shut in anticipation of Indiana Jones’s appearance in the next Raiders of the Gigantic Hole in the Ground of A Dark and Sinister Country, or whatever it will be. Ok, alright, old guys in Hollywood are making all these comeback movies, raising old characters from the dusty ground, it’s the In Thing to do, but the only one who has carried it off, every damn bit of it, is Bruce Willis. Now that, my friends, is a man who has aged well.

Of course, I am well known for my passionate approval of bald men. But seriously, look at him! Isn’t he tough? Isn’t he cool? Doesn’t he just look like the most capable, rock-solid NY city cop who chuckles at danger and punches saber-toothed horses in the jaw? Yeah, that’s right. Lt. John McClane was in fine form, people. Fine form, indeed.

I told you I was going to go see Live Free or Die Hard next. I told you I was going to like it. No surprises.

McClane is not retired, thank the Movie Gods. He is still in fine fightin’ fettle, still a cop, only now he is Detective McClane and assigned such important tasks as escorting a well-known hacker, Matt Farrell (Long), to Washington DC, so he can be questioned by the FBI in a series of disturbing hack jobs on the government computer mainframes. Right from the start, when a bunch of bad guys (including an exceptionally monkey-like, leaping, flexible, bouncing criminal dude who is fun to watch) try to murder the hacker before he can get to the feebs, the action is non-stop and bold as a pair of brass balls. Just like McClane. Just how we fans like it. Add in some danger to Lucy, McClane’s all grown up and fairly bustin’-out brave herself daughter, and a “firesale” going on in the country (This is hacker termanology that means controlling the entire country by taking over transportation, finance, and utilities by using computers) we’ve got action, we’ve got suspense, we’ve got buttkicking on the way.

The stunts are extra-stuntacular. The explosions super-dee-duper explosiveish. The car chases and (of course) car crashes and crazy-ass crashtactical. And McClane has not lost his wisecracking muttering or his sense of dark humor. He was not as joke-cracking and quirky as he was in the earlier movies, but that was fine by me. Who stays exactly the same as they grow older? The McClane portrayed in this latest installment was older, more grizzled, and definitely wiser. In Die Hard, the original, he was almost devil-may-care, facing a bunch of nutso terrorists and laughing his ass off the whole time. Now we can see reflected in his more somber eyes the years and experiences he has passed through since. Forgive me for romanticizing an action hero, for pete’s sake, but as we all know, I will, I must, I live to do exactly that. Willis has a great charisma with Long, and we get to see the old dog at least watch some new tricks, if not exactly learn them, when Matt shows off his own unusual talents.

Yes, he does say it. But I am not going to tell when, or how. But the Yippee kai yay is in there, babies.

I give it 4 &s

&… I love it when They do a new movie in an old series without looking like a bunch of headless chicken asshats with no concept of who the character is

&…Bruce himself- he’s an old, bent nail that is still pretty damn sharp

&… Long, I enjoyed him in Waiting, I liked him more in this role

&… an interesting plot that I don’t think I rolled my eyes at one time

300 Movie Review

300

directed by: Zack Snyder

starring: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West, David Wenham, Rodrigo Santoro

Rated R for graphic battle sequences throughout, some sexuality and nudity.

117 min

Ask yourself, before you buy a ticket for 300, if you enjoyed Sin City. Did you like the tons of CGI, the feeling that you were watching a comic book, or as some have said, a videogame, come to life? Are you ok with a movie shot almost entirely in front of a green screen- no big “location” shoots? If you don’t give half of a shit about stuff like that, but love blood and guts and glory, then this new movie, based on another of Frank Miller’s comics, is probably right up your alley.

300 is, to put it quite simply, gory eye candy. If you are the type who cringes at fistfights on screen, the one who covers your eyes when someone is going to get stabbed, or feels ill at a decapitation, here is your only warning- don’t see this movie.

If, on the other hand, you are like me, and LOVE that kind of stuff- get in line, and get there early, because I was in the theater saving seats a full twenty minutes before showtime and it was already packed.

For once I didn’t mind being in a crowded theater. This is because I was quite literally, swept away on the tide of- like I said, gory eye candy unfolding before me.

I loved this movie. I didn’t care that it had no deep plot to speak of… obviously, if you are going to see 300 for the historical accuracy in the plot and great character development, you’ve been sorely misled, and are completely oblivious to previews, too. The second I saw the preview for this movie, I knew I was going to see it, and I had pretty high hopes I was going to like it.

The basic story (and it never goes beyond basic) is quickly unfolded- Sparta is going to be overrun by the thousands and thousands of Xerxes’s the so-called god king’s, troops from Persia. Leonidas, the Spartan King, doesn’t want to see that happen. His initial plan for kicking their butts- leading the entire Spartan army against them, gets shot down by the corrupt, and may I add disgusting, old priests who inform him that the timing isn’t right for war. (Of course, said disgusting old priests have been bought off before Leonidas ever approached them.) So, in the face of imminent invasion, what is a bad ass king like Leonidas supposed to do?

Take 300 of your best guys into the face of certain death, of course. Handpicked for their bravery (and the fact that they have all had kids to carry on their name), the 300 are willing to fight to the death alongside their king in the hopes that they can turn aside Xerxes’ ravening hordes, and inspire the folks back home to step up and send the army before it’s too late.

Leaving behind his Queen, who is just as much of a bad ass as Leo himself, and his own son to carry on the family moniker, the king and his troops set off for the coast, where they plan to force the kabillions of Persians into fighting them in a little bottleneck, where “numbers don’t matter”. The queen is left with the task of trying to change the council’s collective mind about sending the army, and fending off the grotesque attentions of Leonidas’s arch enemy, the greasy and wholly repulsive Theron.

The rest of the movie, give or take a minute or two spent back at the city, where, as I said, the Queen has her own fight going on, is all about the blood and guts of battle. Nearly every sequence is shot in slow motion, and it was, to me, breathtaking. Heads roll and blood gushes. Strange creatures abound in the Persian army, and Xerxes, when he finally appears, is as creepy as they come, standing about eight feet tall and speaking in a voice straight out of a nightmare. Battle after battle ensues, with barely time to gobble a handful of popcorn before the next sequence left me with my mouth hanging open in a foolish, delighted grin. Let me tell you, though there is little doubt that men of all ages will love this movie (I took my husband and my teenaged son and both of them were entranced) there were a whole lot of gals in the audience too, and we were the ones cheering in certain spots. Yes, there was actual cheering in the theater, and I admit to have led it. If you see the movie, you will know what scene it was in.

Ah, sure, you’re always going to have some whiners complaining about one thing or another- including the lack of depth in the plotline, the fact that there was almost a cheeky thread of very modern-sounding humor throughout this film, the great liberty taken with history … but in answer, I can only remind everyone that this is an adaptation of a comic book, not a documentary of ancient Sparta, and it does exactly what it is supposed to- entertains and lets you escape the real world for a couple of hours. So quit your griping, and enjoy the full-on graphic violence and chest-beating action that is 300.

Bravo!

I give it 5 &s

&… jaw-dropping cinematography

&… a simple, brutal plot- little group of guys against big group of bullies- when does that not appeal?

&… effective acting by all the people involved, they got the job done, and the character across

&… enough action to make me lie awake thinking when I go to bed

&… did I mention blood and guts and glory?