Rock of Love Series Premiere

Rock of Love

Starring Bret Michaels and assorted women

VH1

Sundays

I thought Flavor of Love was over the top, as far as trashy wimmin, overacting former stars and the dramas that ensures when one of them is placed in a house full of many of the others. Don’t get me wrong- I loved Flavor of Love. Plus, I watched every episode of I love New York. I am not sure why, but I really, really like those kind of “reality” T.V. shows. I guess VH1 calls them “Celeb- Reality” and most of the ones I like are on that channel. Gene Simmon’s show is on A&E of all channels, as is this upcoming one that is already on my Must see list… it is called The Two Coreys, and yes, it is Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. I can see the eyebrows of every other 80’s kid shoot straight up to their hairline. No, I am not kidding- check it out.

But I am getting off-track, as usual. The point I wanted to make was that I thought Flavor of Love was crazy. Hehehehe, last Sunday, I caught the first episode of Rock of Love. This is Flavor of Love, Hair Band Style. The Object of all of the crazy ho affection is Bret Michaels, the lead singer of Poison, a perpetual bachelor who, although he sometimes makes statements with a surprising amount of depth to them, is obviously still also a teenage boy at heart- or in his pants. He likes partying, cowboy hats, motocross and is instantly attracted to the girls that look like they would like to have “hot rocker sex”… and ladies, if you have tattoos and smirk on your face, look out, because you are one of them, baby. Of course, it could be that these women give off some pheromone that Bret can smell, and the camera can’t pick up. Before this show, the most I knew about Bret Micheaels was that he was the basis for the“1^st” boyfriend in Pamela Anderson’s “fictional” book, Star. The one she walked in on having sex with like three other women. Which of course makes me doubt the honesty of this show’s premise. GASP. Do you think it could all be an act????

Among the Ladies battling for Bret’s love is Tiffany, who was supposed to never make it past the front door, but who wheedled her way backing, and proceeded to get roaringly drunk, and slur and insult her way through the rest of the evening. She also mashed poor Bret’s penis to death in a bouncing, supposed-to-be-coy, sit-on-yer-lap dance that had him wincing in agony. The producers or directors or whoever of this show have a sense of humor, and it’s worth a chuckle to see the subtitles they run across the bottom of the screen while she is “talking”. There is “Rodeo” a.k.a. Cindy, who is a personal trainer (very, very fit) and who seems to be a little different from the rest of the pack in that she is more centered, and less self-centered than the rest of them. This could be because, as she told Bret, she once broke both legs and had to learn to walk again, and had cancer. That’ll take some of the Me out of you. Anyway, just between us, I am already liking her for the winner. Brandi C. is the complete opposite, a woman whose childishness and idiocy make me want to dye my hair immediately and was certainly kept around only because she told Bret that if he was chosen, he could have three other girlfriends. Brandi M. on the other hand, is one of those hot rocker sex girls and seems to have a good sense of humor. Lacey is an actual rocker herself, which is bound to be cool to Bret, but she has this vicious gleam in her eye that makes me more interested in her for the drama factor than for if she ends up the winner. Sam should be interesting, because it is obvious Bret is into her, but she is a non-drinker who feels pretty out of place in the rowdy party atmosphere. Magdalena talks constantly about another woman appearing to be “manly” and “man-like” in this really deep, masculine voice. Hehehe.

Throughout the first episode, Bret was pulled, jerked, yanked and basically treated as a tug-toy among these many women who have all watched enough realty shows themselves to know they have to get on the drama boat if they hope to stay in the game. The real entertainment was provided by the drunkenness that was Tiffany, and the few off-party clips of the girls making comments, about how great they are and how ridiculousness unfit for Bret the other gals are. Sheer stupidity is often fun to watch, if you’re in the right stage of mind, and trust me, by Sunday night, I am. Count me a regular watcher of this deliciously stupid new TV show.

Live Free or Die Hard Movie Review

Live Free or Die Hard

Starring: Bruce Willis, Timothy Olyphant, Justin Long, Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Directed by: Len Wiseman

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, language and a brief sexual situation

130 min

Look at that face, people. Rocky, in the new Rocky movie, looked like an old slab of meat that had sat in the sun for like thirteen years. (that doesn’t mean I didn’t like the movie, I did, honest. But, meat is meat.) I do not look forward to seeing him shirtless and carrying a big gun in the next and in my honest opinion completely unnecessary Rambo movie. I am already squeezing my eyes shut in anticipation of Indiana Jones’s appearance in the next Raiders of the Gigantic Hole in the Ground of A Dark and Sinister Country, or whatever it will be. Ok, alright, old guys in Hollywood are making all these comeback movies, raising old characters from the dusty ground, it’s the In Thing to do, but the only one who has carried it off, every damn bit of it, is Bruce Willis. Now that, my friends, is a man who has aged well.

Of course, I am well known for my passionate approval of bald men. But seriously, look at him! Isn’t he tough? Isn’t he cool? Doesn’t he just look like the most capable, rock-solid NY city cop who chuckles at danger and punches saber-toothed horses in the jaw? Yeah, that’s right. Lt. John McClane was in fine form, people. Fine form, indeed.

I told you I was going to go see Live Free or Die Hard next. I told you I was going to like it. No surprises.

McClane is not retired, thank the Movie Gods. He is still in fine fightin’ fettle, still a cop, only now he is Detective McClane and assigned such important tasks as escorting a well-known hacker, Matt Farrell (Long), to Washington DC, so he can be questioned by the FBI in a series of disturbing hack jobs on the government computer mainframes. Right from the start, when a bunch of bad guys (including an exceptionally monkey-like, leaping, flexible, bouncing criminal dude who is fun to watch) try to murder the hacker before he can get to the feebs, the action is non-stop and bold as a pair of brass balls. Just like McClane. Just how we fans like it. Add in some danger to Lucy, McClane’s all grown up and fairly bustin’-out brave herself daughter, and a “firesale” going on in the country (This is hacker termanology that means controlling the entire country by taking over transportation, finance, and utilities by using computers) we’ve got action, we’ve got suspense, we’ve got buttkicking on the way.

The stunts are extra-stuntacular. The explosions super-dee-duper explosiveish. The car chases and (of course) car crashes and crazy-ass crashtactical. And McClane has not lost his wisecracking muttering or his sense of dark humor. He was not as joke-cracking and quirky as he was in the earlier movies, but that was fine by me. Who stays exactly the same as they grow older? The McClane portrayed in this latest installment was older, more grizzled, and definitely wiser. In Die Hard, the original, he was almost devil-may-care, facing a bunch of nutso terrorists and laughing his ass off the whole time. Now we can see reflected in his more somber eyes the years and experiences he has passed through since. Forgive me for romanticizing an action hero, for pete’s sake, but as we all know, I will, I must, I live to do exactly that. Willis has a great charisma with Long, and we get to see the old dog at least watch some new tricks, if not exactly learn them, when Matt shows off his own unusual talents.

Yes, he does say it. But I am not going to tell when, or how. But the Yippee kai yay is in there, babies.

I give it 4 &s

&… I love it when They do a new movie in an old series without looking like a bunch of headless chicken asshats with no concept of who the character is

&…Bruce himself- he’s an old, bent nail that is still pretty damn sharp

&… Long, I enjoyed him in Waiting, I liked him more in this role

&… an interesting plot that I don’t think I rolled my eyes at one time