Blades of Glory Movie Review

Blades of Glory

Starring: Will Ferrell, Jon Heder,

Directed by:

Rated

Minutes

If there was an Academy Award given to for repulsion of the female viewer… I think Will Ferrel just might get it for this movie. Playing the character of Chazz Michael Michaels , he oozes that “I’m too sexy for my ice skates” while at the same time being so absolutely...gross, really, that is the only word that comes to mind. Gross like you are just about to take a big bite of, say, cheese, and then you notice something sticking out of it on the side, and you turn it over, going, “Hey, what is that…?” and then you realize that it’s a toenail. And it’s not your toenail.

Ok, so...that shuddery feeling? The involuntary twist and jump your shoulders just made, like you are trying to tuck them into your ears? The goosebumps of yuckiness that kind of wash over you in a wave? That is exactly the way Ferrel makes you feel in his role of Chazz Michael Michaels whenever you realize that he is supposed to have sex with people. Female people. Exactly like that. The bad boy of men’s figure skating, he has lost his Olympic gold medal and been banned for the rest of his life, because of the slappy slap fight he got into with his arch enemy, Jimmy MacElroy, played by Hedar.

Jimmy is the completely opposite from Chazz, a strange boy , raised by an eccentric millionaire father who apparently adopted him solely for his skating abilities. Chazz is a sex addict who wear a fringed leather coat and constantly tosses off sexual innuendos that make the skin crawl. Then there is Heder, who is always fun to watch, if you can stop staring at his face and wondering what happened to his chin.. if he ever had one, I mean, well, where did it go? But like I said, once you get past that whole non-existent chin thing, then you can concentrate on his character. Jimmy wears a cap of golden curls on his head and is a total innocent. In fact, one of the funniest, and most delightfully awkward parts of the movie, is when he receives his first real kiss. My lips hurt just watching the two of them mash their mouths together inexpertly, obviously doing it the way they “thought” it should be done while carefully balancing their snowcones in their hands. Fer cute, as they used to say in my native land of Minnesota.

So these two total opposites are, three years later, at sad little dead ends in their once glorious life paths. Chazz is playing the part of a wizard on ice in a kiddie show, prized by the owner, who puts up with his disgusting manners and alcoholic breath to have him in the show. I have to admit that the puking inside of the gigantic wizard head was a bit much for me, but my gross-out level is sadly low. Jimmy, meanwhile, is holding skates for spoiled brats to try on in a little skate shop in the middle of nowhereland. The only thing that hasn’t changed is Jimmy’s stalker, who, although disappointed that the object of his lustfully violent thoughts has fallen so far, remains faithful to the sweet goal of one day killing him. In fact, it is the stalker who comes up with the idea of the two competing as couple’s ice skaters, putting them back on the rink and in competition with the creepy sister and brother of Team Van Waldenberg. Aha, and here we have the bad guys of the movie, who our intrepid heroes must battle to win their rightful gold.

I expected stupid, and hopefully, stupid funny. What surprised me was that I didn’t have to get up more than once during the entire show, and for me, Ms. Can’t Sit Still For Longer Than Thirty Minutes Without Imploding, that means the movie is entertaining. And it genuinely was. The chemistry between the two actors was genuine, and the tidy little storyline didn’t fall into boredom land for longer than a second or two.

I admit that I watched this movie because of my unrelenting sense of nostalgia. See, A Night at the Roxbury is one of my all time forever favorite comedies. And I laughed a good portion of my butt off during Napoleon Dynamite. So I continue to see movies with these two guys, hoping, but not really believing, that I will get a laugh buzz. It hasn’t actually happened yet, I will let you know if it does. In the meantime, though, Blades of Glory, while not exactly laugh-buzz-inspiring, did give me a chuckle tingle.

I give it 3 &s…

&… like I said, if grossing women out was a category, Ferrell would get an oscar for this one

&… the relationship between the two once-enemies was just corny sweet enough to make me smile without puking

&… the stalker. L.O.L. heee

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby Movie Review

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Starring: Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Jane Lynch, Gary Cole,

Directed by: Adam McKay

Rated: PG-13 for crude and sexual humor, language, drug references and brief comic violence.

108 Minutes

I’ve got a love-hate relationship with Mr. Will Ferrell. Many years ago I fell in love with his characters on Saturday Night Live. A Night At The Roxbury is one of my top ten favorite comedy movies. (Consider how many movies I have watched in my shiftless life and you will be amazed at this statement.) If you ever ask me if “we are brothers”, I will respond, no doubt even on the edge of death, with, “No??...... YESSSS!!!!!” and cackle madly without any restraint whatsoever.

But then, a couple of years ago, I was taken to Kicking and Screaming, on my birthday. Friends and family thought that would be a good flick to take picky Kaat to, one guaranteed to make her laugh, one which she would not declare a waste of, not only her life, but her birth DAY. Alas, they were unsuccessful. Now, it could be argued that since it was my birthday I had higher expectations than I normally do and therefore, you couldn’t judge K&S to be a bad movie based on my vomiting-sounds… but, that argument would be wrong. Wrong on so many levels. My vomiting sounds are just and good, I assure you.

It sucked, and it made me look at Mr. Ferrell with a skeptical eye. Kind of the same thing that happened between me and Adam Sandler after Little Nicky came out. There were too many roles like Buddy and not enough like Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly.

But was he not one of the Butabis? Will he not always be a Butabi? No…..???..... YESSSS!!!!!!!

Hahahahahahahahaha…. See? Sorry, but I told you.

Anyway, I have since given Will a chance, but without expectation, in each movie or role he brings forth… with no less pain and screaming than in childbirth, I’m sure.... if I happen to be around when it comes on. There was nothing, however, short of a Voice speaking from the clouds, that would have made me add Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby to my Netflix queue… except perhaps a request from Bitty.

Since I would probably do anything for Bitty, including but not limited to: dancing naked on her landlord’s doorstep to reduce her rent, walk barefoot on really kind of sharp-ended and annoyingly unstable rocks for like, thirty or even thirty-five feet, and/or eating a sandwich with mayonnaise on it (hurl)… it was with enthusiasm, but no true expectation, that I put Ricky Bobby into the DVD player and sat back to watch.

I have to say, it was a pleasant surprise.

We know (or those of you who have read these posts for a time) that I am always in search of the Elusive And Actual LOL. I found it, watching Old Ricky. Ferrell’s character is a parody of rednecked American manhood, a race car driver without equal. He drives to win, and win he does….there are quite a few little threads through the story, including that Ricky drives “for” his father, a shiftless wonder who abandoned the kid when he was 10, with a few words of wisdom to live by, such as “If you aint first, you’re last!” R.B. spends most of the time joined with his sidekick, Cal, another driver, who sweetly stands aside so his buddy can have the spotlight to himself. The dialogue between those two, Ferrell and Reilly, is pee-pee inducing, I tell you. They have great chemistry and play off one another like a set of perfectly tuned piano keys.

Ricky is married to a gorgeous, ambitious, barracuda-woman who is driven to passion by his winning (and his money), and they have spawned two hellishly bratty kids. I know that the rest of my family really enjoyed watching the children behave like monsters, cursing at their grandfather and behaving hideously enough to invite a beating with a belt, and even though I generally hate watching kids do this, I wasn’t turned off, because it was simply more ridiculousness piled on top of the rest of the ridiculousness of the movie.

There are the (almost too) long gags such as Ricky’s prayers at the dinner table… he insists upon praying to the Infant Jesus, refusing to imagine Him as a grown man, and his descriptions of the swaddled savior are genuinely chuckle-worthy. There is the movie-long laugh of Jean Girard, the French, flamboyantly gay, race car driver who is Ricky Bobby’s arch enemy. (He speaks in such a horrible, over-the-top French accent you can’t help but laugh when R.B tells him “you sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth”).Then there are the blink and you’ll miss them laughs too, such as the Crystal Gale t-shirt R.B. wears (yeah the chick with the hair…have I ever actually seen a Crystal Gale t-shirt since 1984? No, I have not.) and the fact that the French pit crew kiss each other on each cheek before the race begins while the Americans, you, know, shake hands and pound each others’ shoulders.

Talladega Nights follows the basic formula for success with American comedies. Big winner has some traumatic occurrence which knocks him sprawling from his pedestal while his evil nemesis laughs at his shame… tapping into the greater American psyche with that one. Hero must then fight to regain his position of glory, in the process triumph over evil nemesis and learn valuable lessons about life, truth, and the American way. And somewhere in there, it is required that a mousy, unnoticeable female character have a major transformation, becoming the Hottie So Naughty by the end of the show.

T.N. hits all the right notes for the formula, which would have bored the piss out of me normally, but this time, it was the odd and odder moments sprinkled throughout that kept me watching… and laughing.

I give it 3 &s

&…. The return to ridiculous humor makes me smile at Will Ferrell again

&…. The storyline itself was fairly cohesive and easy to follow

&…. Lines like this deserve an &… “Diablo is Spanish for, like… a fighting chicken.”

Please note, if you made it all the way down here, you're probably a faithful reader. In my last post to Kaat Litter I said I was making the blog private and to send your email address if you wanted to keep reading. I did NOT mean this blog. I have had a couple of emails about it. The Biased Book and Movie Review will remain public. :)