Blades of Glory Movie Review

Blades of Glory

Starring: Will Ferrell, Jon Heder,

Directed by:

Rated

Minutes

If there was an Academy Award given to for repulsion of the female viewer… I think Will Ferrel just might get it for this movie. Playing the character of Chazz Michael Michaels , he oozes that “I’m too sexy for my ice skates” while at the same time being so absolutely...gross, really, that is the only word that comes to mind. Gross like you are just about to take a big bite of, say, cheese, and then you notice something sticking out of it on the side, and you turn it over, going, “Hey, what is that…?” and then you realize that it’s a toenail. And it’s not your toenail.

Ok, so...that shuddery feeling? The involuntary twist and jump your shoulders just made, like you are trying to tuck them into your ears? The goosebumps of yuckiness that kind of wash over you in a wave? That is exactly the way Ferrel makes you feel in his role of Chazz Michael Michaels whenever you realize that he is supposed to have sex with people. Female people. Exactly like that. The bad boy of men’s figure skating, he has lost his Olympic gold medal and been banned for the rest of his life, because of the slappy slap fight he got into with his arch enemy, Jimmy MacElroy, played by Hedar.

Jimmy is the completely opposite from Chazz, a strange boy , raised by an eccentric millionaire father who apparently adopted him solely for his skating abilities. Chazz is a sex addict who wear a fringed leather coat and constantly tosses off sexual innuendos that make the skin crawl. Then there is Heder, who is always fun to watch, if you can stop staring at his face and wondering what happened to his chin.. if he ever had one, I mean, well, where did it go? But like I said, once you get past that whole non-existent chin thing, then you can concentrate on his character. Jimmy wears a cap of golden curls on his head and is a total innocent. In fact, one of the funniest, and most delightfully awkward parts of the movie, is when he receives his first real kiss. My lips hurt just watching the two of them mash their mouths together inexpertly, obviously doing it the way they “thought” it should be done while carefully balancing their snowcones in their hands. Fer cute, as they used to say in my native land of Minnesota.

So these two total opposites are, three years later, at sad little dead ends in their once glorious life paths. Chazz is playing the part of a wizard on ice in a kiddie show, prized by the owner, who puts up with his disgusting manners and alcoholic breath to have him in the show. I have to admit that the puking inside of the gigantic wizard head was a bit much for me, but my gross-out level is sadly low. Jimmy, meanwhile, is holding skates for spoiled brats to try on in a little skate shop in the middle of nowhereland. The only thing that hasn’t changed is Jimmy’s stalker, who, although disappointed that the object of his lustfully violent thoughts has fallen so far, remains faithful to the sweet goal of one day killing him. In fact, it is the stalker who comes up with the idea of the two competing as couple’s ice skaters, putting them back on the rink and in competition with the creepy sister and brother of Team Van Waldenberg. Aha, and here we have the bad guys of the movie, who our intrepid heroes must battle to win their rightful gold.

I expected stupid, and hopefully, stupid funny. What surprised me was that I didn’t have to get up more than once during the entire show, and for me, Ms. Can’t Sit Still For Longer Than Thirty Minutes Without Imploding, that means the movie is entertaining. And it genuinely was. The chemistry between the two actors was genuine, and the tidy little storyline didn’t fall into boredom land for longer than a second or two.

I admit that I watched this movie because of my unrelenting sense of nostalgia. See, A Night at the Roxbury is one of my all time forever favorite comedies. And I laughed a good portion of my butt off during Napoleon Dynamite. So I continue to see movies with these two guys, hoping, but not really believing, that I will get a laugh buzz. It hasn’t actually happened yet, I will let you know if it does. In the meantime, though, Blades of Glory, while not exactly laugh-buzz-inspiring, did give me a chuckle tingle.

I give it 3 &s…

&… like I said, if grossing women out was a category, Ferrell would get an oscar for this one

&… the relationship between the two once-enemies was just corny sweet enough to make me smile without puking

&… the stalker. L.O.L. heee