RANT or Bitchfest 2007, better even than last year's

Outsourcing BITES ASS
or A Review on Being an American Who Loses Their Job To a Foreigner Who Works For Peanuts
or poor me, my life sucks

Objective: blah blah how do these start again? Ok... um, I have spent over ten years in the field of customer service and find working with and helping people both a challenge and a great reward. I have excellent customer service skills, and a ummmm... desire, yeah that's good, a great desire to find a satisfactory outcome for those experiencing problems. I possess excellent communication skills, both written and oral…blah blah blah.

Ok, so the above is obviously a piece of shitty resume, which is an indicator that I am again going to be out of a job and yes, that is one of the reasons I have been depressed.

This is the thing... I don't know about the rest of the stupid world, but I try hard to do my best. I don't think that I am about to commit a horrible mistake when I make a choice. I generally think that I have made a decision based on what is right, not only for myself, but for any other people that happen to be in the vicinity. But somehow, looking back over my life, I see a string of bad choices, unseen mistakes, and ridiculous beliefs that led me here... to this rut of barf that I call life.

Isn't that how it is supposed to be? The stupid American bullshit dream? You work hard, treat other people well, do a good job, and things will turn out ok in the end.

Oh god, I can hear one of my dearest friends, who passed away a few years ago, responding immediately in my head," If in the end everything isn't ok, then it isn't the end."

I think maybe part of me still believes that, but man, these last couple of months have been like a hammer blow to my stupid streak of optimism. I am bitter and I am unhappy and I am worried about the future. Again. And whaa whaa... little baby me is wondering, when does this shit stop? When do things just go ok for awhile? No crisis, no job losses, no roofs leaking or bones breaking, and no one dying? When can there just be a streak of peace? I am not asking for great joy or blinding happiness. Just some calm.

So, I quit working at the flower shop because it became obvious to me that they didn't want me there. They don't take directions well, don't take criticism, even the most constructive type, at all. The entire atmosphere of the shop was ... stilted when I was there. I could feel the They-don't-want-me-here-vibes floating right up my nostrils. So I gently stopped working there, very casually, letting them know they could call me whenever they needed help. I didn't need a crystal ball to realize they were not going to call. I understand, I am the old dinosaur that has been there forever, and they want to do things their own way. Understandable. Totally.

I admit I get a thrill of pleasure each time someone in town complains to me about how awful the arrangements are coming out of there now. I remind myself, this is not my business, not my problem... but the thrill that they suck, and so many people say they suck, is undeniable. And there have been some people asking me to do "freelance" flowers for them, so I have been doing that, and it's nice. I do miss doing arrangements. It was an artistic thing, I suppose, and something I didn't realize helped me until it was no longer there. But as far as money is concerned, that avenue of income is dried out and used up.

But the bitter side of me, let's call her Ms. Hide, she is whispering- wow, you poured your heart and soul into that stupid shop. You worked there for all those years for so little money because it was your friend who bought the damn thing. Worked a billion hours that you didn't get compensated for. Kept it afloat when it would have crashed and burned without you. You were a good friend, and a better employee.... you ran that store for them, and LOOK where it got you. Sold out from under you to someone who knows nothing about floral design and just happened to have money, which you don't have.

shut up, Ms. Hide. Money isn't everything.

Then there is Lulu. Considering how scared I was of this job when I started it, you wouldn't believe how great of a customer service rep I have become. I am The Help of all help. I have an entire email category for customers that come to me for personal assistance with their projects. I have pushed my team into becoming the best, and chats have gone up, and Lulu gets busier by the day and...

what what what? They are replacing us with Filipinos who work for 67 cents an hour?

Outsourcing? Yes OUTSOURCING... and by the way, your last day is Friday and have a merry fucking Christmas that is only two months away and whoops NO DAMN JOB FOR YOU.

But they might possibly have some kind of a job left over for you, in some fashion, there are rumors they might have some part-time positions for good people, and since you have kids to feed and bills to pay, you hope they are telling the truth. In return, you don't tell every person who comes into chat and asks for you specifically that you're being fired so they can replace you with cheap foreign labor. You let them think that you are moving on willingly, to a new job (but there is no other job, you are lying), that the new people who will be there will be just fine help, perfectly capable (but you are lying because you know they won't give that extra bit of help like you did, even if they do ever get anything else straight) You don't mention the horrible English, the way they give bad information, the way livehelp went from great to sucks-ass in one day, when the new people came in and you were told to sit back and not take any chats unless they had been waiting for longer than a minute. You actually had to sit on your hands as you watched unhappy and confused customers try to wade through the auto-responses and incorrect information the new foreigners were firing at them. Finally, when one man whose manuscript was obviously (to you) just short of the minimum page count, was told by a new worker, "This seems to be parts of the parts they are maintainencing. please come back in thirty minutes and try again I asking you sincerely", well, you closed your laptop and almost cried.

Again, you did your absolute best. A stellar job. Over and above the call of duty. You enjoyed your work, your customers. You did your best, and it was, you can say, was pretty dang good.

Where, Ms. Hide whispers, did that get you, exactly?

Employers value people like me. Do a great job and eventually you'll be rewarded. Hard work pays off. If you're willing to work well and often, you will always have a job.

I just don't believe those ideas any more. I think they are kind of sweet, like believing in Santa Claus is sweet.

How stupid, how naive, could I possibly be?

Pretty much, a lot, hugely so.

Sigh, there. I really do feel a bit better after having written all of this. Maybe I will go ahead and publish this... I have written a ton of drafts that will never see the light of the internet, but this one is more "ragey" than "pity me-ish".

Oh yeah, and final shitter on top of this shit sundae is that because you are working from home, because you work nights and are up during the day and home- you decided to home school your kids. It's going great, really. Not as hard as you'd thought it would be. But pretty impossible if you need to go out and get a regular job again.

Man, sometimes life is indeed a big old hairy-backed bitch.

Hmmm.. I wonder how I ended up changing this entire post from "I" to "you". Must be a subconscious distancing of myself from the situation. How pathetic. Now, I will sign out until the next time,when I will actually review something. Thank you for joining me in today's Pity Party Extraordinaire. We hope you'll come back for the next one, entitled "How My Face is Wrinkled and Pimply- The Skin of a Thirty-something Woman is Not Fair."