Flavor of Love Season 2 Review

Flavor of Love 2
Sunday evenings
VH1

Let’s just take a look at the season of Flavor of Love 2... the finale aired last Sunday, but I betcha you could catch a re-run if you realy wanted to.

Flavor Flav picked his girl for the finale of Flavor of Love 2. Now, we the viewers of previously mentioned television reality show are divided between two camps… the camp of Delishis and that of New York.

Let’s do a quick rundown to explain the intricacies of Flavor of Love. I have linked to Talking Videos for this post (mainly) in case you want a more detailed version than I can type before work. Let me just say it- Talking Videos is the funniest shit out there when it comes to Flavor Of Love. I honestly don’t know what I looked forward to more each week- the show, or the Talking Videos version of the show.

Season 1- 20 girls are fighting it out to become the Flav’s main squeeze. There are a few favorites, pretty evenly divided… several of the girls seem to be nice little hoes, perfectly suited to life as the mistress of a man who wears a giant clock around his neck, even in the shower.

If there was one thing that viewers of Season 1 pretty much agreed on, it was mutual hatred of New York. This woman was eeeeviiiilllll… but, her scheming and screaming were what really made the show interesting. She is a drama queen of the highest order, and early on in the season, she declared herself desperately in love with the Flav. High moment of television Beauty- when Pumpkin was eliminated and spit a big ol’ loogie right on New York. Right in her face! The cheers could be heard across America. So… It came down to a pick between Hoopz, lovely and cool, and New York, who, amusingly enough, probably gain ten pounds shooting the show. She was forever stuffing her mouth in reaction to Flav’s dates with the others girls. And when Monsterwoman, aka, New York’s mother was introduced, well, the deal was sealed….this is where NY got her crazy gene.

Well, everyone in my house clapped excitedly when Flav said, “ New York, don’t be mad at me, I’m gonna roll with Hoopz.”

Yaya…true love for Flav, whose widdle heart was broken by Bridgett Neilson, his co-star of earlier shows. But wait…it’s not over. (You never thought it was, did you, clever creatures?) On the reunion show, we discovered that Hoopz and Flav were… Just Friends? Ohnooooo… everyone knows that “Just Friends” means, quite clearly, the girl doesn’t want the guy, not in “that way”. So we suffered through the entire first season, and all those lovely gross girls were eliminated, only to have Hoopz dump Flav, even before the reunion show was taped?

Puh-lease. We were so wrong about you, Hoopz.

Some of us began to question our own hearts, asking deep down inside, we were wrong about everything? Should Flav have picked New York? I, for one, didn’t sleep much those first few days after the reunion show. The only thing that soothed my tempestuous emotions was the fact that Flav announced a new season! OK! We were going to have Flavor of Love 2, and this time, I vowed (as I am sure all of you did, as well), I would not be taken in by honey-smooth skin and good basketball skills. I would choose who was best for Flav, no matter what I personally felt for her.

As Season 2 began, I mourned the absence of New York. Oh sure, you had some drama. What else do you call it when some girl shit on Flav’s floor on the very first episode? No, I am not kidding, and I’m offended that you asked. I wouldn’t lie about pooping in the mansion. That’s plain good TV. Needless to say, Somethin, said pooper, didn’t last long out of the gates. Bootz was the resident biotch, and I felt for her. As she says herself, on her myspace page… she is “a very fine peice of work that others wish they could be”. Heehee. Who doesn’t want to be a peice? And then you had the totally gullible Krazy-Just tell me anything and I’ll believe it Girl. How many times do you need to get stabbed in the back before you get it that maybe, just maybe, these women aren’t you’re friends, girl? Add in Nibblz the lisping bi-sexual stripper, Buckwild, the homely white girl who talks like she straight out the ghetto, and the obligatory “Big Girl”, Like Dat (who, incidentally, booted her own big butt off the show by cornering Flav in his bedroom and showing him all of her size XL lingerie, not noticing his wide and slightly horrified eyes),you have a zooful, for sure. I shouldn’t be complaining. But there was something about New York, some level of bitchiness that none of these girls could even approach.

I had mulled the idea over and come to a conclusion…based on Flav’s mad love for Insane Bridgett, and his admiration of what he called “strong women” (translated: woman who will blow up at the slightest provocation and starting waving hands and necks and heads and talking faster and faster until you think surely someone must explode… ), I had decided that he perhaps should have picked New York, that her over the top, drama queen antics and certain signs of bi-polar disorder were, in fact, exactly what made her Flav’s dream girl.

And then, midway through season Two, sheeeee’s back! Brought on to “help” Flav find the right woman, and determined to go she-devil on these poor chicks’ asses for the entire hour guest spot, New York was in fine form. Plus she looked tight- had a go around or two with Jenny Craig, methinks. It was no surprise when at the end of the episode, Flav brought out the old NY clock from season 1 and asked her if she’d stick around. Of course she said yes, and of course, from that point on, the show got a whole lot more exciting.

She plotted, she schemed, she double-crossed. She threw temper tantrums and seduced Flav right out from under the “celibate until marriage” Bootz’s nose. (yeah right, Bootz, that was a great strategy for sticking around- the whole, nope, no sex without a ring routine) And I have to say it, my feelings about NY had done a complete 180. I was in her corner all the way. It was a guilty pleasure, cackling wildly at her cruelty to the others girls, but it was a pleasure, nonetheless.

So we came down to it… the final fight. New York on one side, and Delishis on the other. Despite looking like a man, and being covered with ugly raised scars that were to “remind” her of her survival of a car accident (Like you’re going to forget going through a windshield…nope, better hang on to those gross-out, big, welt-like, growth-looking scars, too, just to be on the safe side), Delishis had somehow managed to make it to the end. How? Oh yes, well, there was the GIANT ass that Flav could not stop staring at during the entire season. Maybe that had something to do with it.

Drumrolls aren’t necessary… I’m slow out of the gate on this review, and you all probably already know… Flav chose Delishis. Because apparently NY acted a little bit too much like her Psychotic Bitch from Hell Mama. I was indignant on her behalf. So what? You dumped her in favor of Hoopz last season, and she cried but was brave, managed to get over you and lose weight…. but now you bring her back again… kissy kissy all the way up to the end, and do it AGAIN?! That was rejection, squared. Plus he had the nerve to argue with her and start shouting back when she –rightfully- was pissed off, wanting to know why the hell he brought her back in the first place.

I give it to NY, she told his ass OFF. And then she showed him HER ass, flipping up her skirt and mooning him just as sweet as you please before she stormed off the set. And then Flav remembered that he had this other chick, shemale Delishis waiting for him, and was like, ‘Oh yeah, you. Sorry.” Then he gave her the disgustingly tacky gold grill for her gaping maw of a mouth and it was all like, yea, happily ever after. She towered over him and he looked unconcerned about any crushing. I guess he’ll be fine as long as he sticks to what he did the other time he slept with her- fell asleep on top of that mountain of an ass. Yes he did…he was snoring. Not musically, either.

So, I was sore. Yet I couldn’t help thinking, NY deserves better than Flav. In fact, the idea quickly took shape…VH1 should do a show about HER- she gets to pick out a man for her fine, high maintenance self. They could call it…”I (heart)love New York”. And lo and behold, rumors on the grapevines of the ever-fruitful Internet say that just exactly that is on the menu for VH1’s future. I guess it’s supposed to be called “Flavorette”. I liked my title better.

NY says on her myspace blog that she has a “surprise” to reveal on the reunion show. I’m guessing no one wants to take bets that it’s about the new spin-off? Didn’t think so. I’m looking forward to it- getting to see all the girls again, with their new hairstyles and their secrets revealed. The preview looks good, boyeee. See you there.