Harry Potter Double Feature Review

Two Two Two Harry Reviews In One!

Hary Potter and The Order of the Phoenix

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint,
Ralph Fiennes

Directed by: David Yates

Rated: Rated PG-13 for sequences of fantasy violence and frightening images

138 min

and… The Last of them- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

by J.K. Rowling

(And yes, I am going to tell you how it ends, so stop reading HERE if you’re one of those people who doesn’t “WANT” to be spoiled, but somehow, your damn eyes keep reading even as your mouth is blathering on about keeping secrets. This is your last warning- I am going to write whether or not Harry Potter dies- ok? End of subject)

Catching up on all the lah-dee-dah….

For those of you who have faithfully come back to check this page, and keep encountering Bret Michaels and his bevy of babes, I apologize. I have had some STUFF going on, and those of you who know what that STUFF is and are still nice to me, thanks a million.

Bret, meanwhile, has gotten down to 8 girls and the tension is as thick as silly string in the house, I can tell. Aw, you should watch it… it’s fascinating stuff, I tell you- between the knock-down drag out fights between PETA chicks and the Girls who wear fur, to the endlessly dramatic and crying women and those creeping into Bret’s bed, it’s got all you could want from a trashy celebreality show, and frankly, I will be sad to see it end. But enough about that.

I, amongst the stuff going on, have been reading the Harry Potter series again. I learned my lesson with the Robert Jordan fiasco. For weeks, no, more likely months, I disappeared into his pages, and here I am now, wondering if I will ever see the end. So, keeping this exquisite pain in mind whenever I am tempted to start a new series, I check on the health of the author and the status of the last book- if it is not being written, I aint going to even go there. (I am hoping Mr/Ms Anonymous who visited the site not too long ago and recommended the Salvatore books will come back and tell me where to START with them, thanks very much- there’s only about a billion of them.)

Now, let’s talk about Harry and Company. The last movie was good, although, as anyone who knows me knows, I have a great impatience with the moodiness of teenagers, and let me just say Harry Potter, that you are no exception! Get a grip on your hormones, young man, and stop snapping at your friends! Actually, I think this was Hollywood’s way of dressing up the script a bit, because I don’t recall Harry being so moody and, well, just a general crabass, in the book.

All in all, the movie makers are fairly faithful to the story when they adapt it for the silver screen, and I generally find Harry movies a lot of fun to watch. This was no exception, in fact, I enjoyed it more than usual, I think, for the fantastic fight scenes that went on between Harry and his friends, and the Baddies. If you read or watched the Goblet of Fire, you’ll know that Voldemort is baaaaack. However, Harry runs into the very unpleasant experience of not having anyone believe him. Even the papers are saying it’s nonsense, He Who Must not be Named cannot possibly be back, everything is under control, be quiet you little lying, attention-seeker! When Harry and Dudders the big lummox, are attacked by Dementors, and Harry has to use his patronus to scare them off, he is immediately put on trial and threatening with expulsion from Hogwarts and all other nasty things. Of course, Dumbledore doesn’t let that happen, but the old guy is powerless to stop the Ministry of Magic from placing Dolores Bitchface in the school as the new defense of the Dark Arts teacher. Great casting on this one.

Deciding that they aren’t just going o lie around waiting to be killed while their new prissy-voiced but extreeeemly evil teacher has them reading books about the theory of defensive magic, the students start a little club of their own. Harry is the teacher, and much of the schoolyear is spent with the kids hiding in the Room of Requirement, learning some new skills that are put to the test later on. Harry has some crazy ass connection with Voldedude, and although Snape (greasier and grosser than ever) is attempting to teach Harry how to shut his mind, he is not very successful. There is a rather painful moment in the movie where Harry experiences a bit of Snape’s memories, and learns that his dad might not have been as swell a guy as he always thought. All in all, it’s a satisfying watch, and accompanied by white cheddar –soaked popcorn, it was most definitely NOT a waste of my life.

I give it 4 &s

&... it was true to the book, always important in my oh-so biased opinion

&... the special effects were purty gnarly

&... Imelda Staunton, who played the diabolical, kitten-loving psychopath teacher, was truly good stuff

&... I am a sucker for a sequel.

Now, for the last book.

Don’t read any further if you don’t want to know what happens, now. You have been warned, several times in fact, and everyone knows I am a BIG OLD SPOILsporter.

Last chance.

Stop now.

Really, I mean it.

Ok, for those still reading, I will break it to you gently- all the rumors of Harrys’ death were…..

….Greatly exaggerated. Whew. For that matter, the nasty little “spoiler” floating around the internet for days before the release of the book, claiming that it was Ron who dies, were also false. Someone in the inner circle dies, in fact several someones, and it is indeed sad, but it is not one of the Big Three who kicks it. In fact, the ending takes us seventeen (or is it nineteen?) years into the future for a glimpse of Harry, Ron, and Hermione in their grown up lives.

Very HAPPY ending. Which to me, makes it kick ass grand. I hate sad endings, especially after a long investment of time and emotion, like you squeeze out when you’re reading a series like this one.

The final book was satisfying in any number of ways, but it was also heartbreaking. Yes I did bawl, and while it is well-known that I was voted Most Likely To Cry During a Hallmark Commercial once, I asked a few others and they all admitted to coming down with the sniffles, too.

Not because of the deaths, but because of the big old secret reason for everything WHY that is finally revealed. Now I have given away enough, so I am not going into detail… because, alright, I might actually get choked up again if I do. But let me just say it’s a damn shame. Sadness. Me, clutching the book and wiping at my snotty nose and streaming eyes, wailing, “ALLLLL this TIIIIIME!” That’s the last hint I am giving.

Yes it was a great ending. Yes she tied up most dangling threads neatly. Yes, I think a lot more of Rowling now, at the end of the series than in the beginning. As the books got thicker, they got better, and putting down the last one was like finishing the last bite of a particularly tasty bit of junk food. Nothing to live on, you see, but very yummy all the same.

I give it a lovely, tomato red on the Right On Rainbow of Rigorous Reading