Clerks II Movie Review

Clerks II

starring: Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson

directed by: Kevin Smith

97 minutes

Rated R :for pervasive sexual and crude content including aberrant sexuality, strong language and some drug material.

Wow, who woulda thought Smith would ever come home to this place? I mean...Clerks II? What on EARTH are they going to do in the sequel? But still, I thought...it's Clerks II. I better go. Let me tell you, it’s probably a waste of your time to read this review if you aren’t familiar with the legendary movie 1994’s “Clerks”. I’m going to be talking about peeps you aint never heard of and I aint gonna explain who they is. Cuz they legendary. Like Zorro, man. Or. Like someone else who is legendary. Like, if you are of the generation that loved Clerks, are remembering that movie fondly, with a slightly stoned smile, then you don’t need no explaining. And if you are a Clerks fan and you don’t want to read spoilers, then you probably shouldn’t read this either, because I can never decide what constitutes an actual spoiler. So, to read the review, I guess that leaves… maybe a couple of people. Enjoy it, you two.

Dante and Randal are at it again. Twelve years later and not a whole lot has changed. This time, instead of “working” at the Quick Stop, which burns down in the first ten seconds of the film, they have moved on to greener uh...pastures… in the form of Mooby’s, a fast-food restaurant where the employees wear cow hats and worship transformers. Well, one employee does anyway, the very white, very Christian, very geeky, going-to-always-be-a-virgin Elias (his confession to Randal about the reason for his perpetual virginity, his girlfriend’s “pussy troll” who will “bite it off” if they actually do it, made me laugh until I snorted like a pig.)

(That I was the only theater-goer laughing that loudly did not stop me.)

Most of the movie takes place on Dante’s last day at work. Why last day? Because he has an incredibly hot, incredibly wealthy girlfriend who wants to marry him and move to Florida where he will operate one of her father’s carwashes. Oh, and his hot boss at Mooby’s, Becky, wants his ass too, and apparently has had it too, at least once, late at night on the prep counter, when they were overcome by passion. I thought it was nice that it was actually mentioned in the movie how weird it is that Dante, chubby, dorky, not exactly hunk-material Dante, always has hot chicks fighting over him. I think so, too.

It’s obvious to the movie watcher that Dante belongs with Becky, and we just sit back for the ride, waiting for him to figure it out too. In the meantime, Randal is busy being crude, rude and repulsive as usual, planning a NAS-ty going-away party for his best friend and arguing with Elias about which is The Trilogy… Lord of the Rings or Star Wars. Hint for those of you with a squeamish stomach- the party involves Kinky Kelly and an animal friend, doing uh, erotic interspecies something or another. I heard a rumor that a reviewer actually got up and walked out of the theater because he found this part of the movie so offensive… if that was the case, the guy’s imagination is too vivid for his own good, because although I braced for it, there was nothing shown- only implied. Heavily implied.

Yes, Jay and Silent Bob are there, holding up the wall, selling the drugs, listening to the big boom box as before, only this time they are fresh out of rehab and owing their sobriety to the Big J… that’s right. Imagine Jay and Silent Bob as sober and Christian. Don’t worry, there’s little evidence that this is true, other than a medallion Jay shows off representing his sixty days clean. There are also a couple of rather obvious cameos by friends of the director, ala Ben Affleck, but they don’t last long and we can quickly forget seeing them.

So… is it as good as Clerks? No… HAYELL no. And I think a lot of people knocked it for that reason. But c’mon people, how often is a sequel equal to, or better than, an original? Not often, that’s right, unless we are actually talking Star Wars or TLOR. Clerks 2 was funny, the same kind of stupid funny that made us like Clerks in the first place. It was nice to revisit the old neighborhood and the folks that live there. It was nice to leave a theater without wondering exactly how many minutes of my life have been wasted. It was nice to shock my mother, revealing that I brought my son to the movie. (Sorry Mom, LOL). I give it 4out of 5 &s.

& it was funny
& it was familiar
& it was naughty
& it was nice