myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics Totally Biased Book and Movie Review: " America's Got Talent " TV review

Thursday, July 27, 2006

" America's Got Talent " TV review

America's Got Talent
Wednesday and Thursday night, NBC
Hosted by Regis Philbin
Produced by Simon Cowell


I seldom watch these kind of shows. I am a recovered American Idol fan... the spell wasn't broken until after I'd already seen Kelly and Clay in concert... but even after Season 2, I was becoming unhappy with the show. I mean, come on, Reuben Studdard shouldn't have won that. Where is he NOW, I ask? I began to suspect that maybe the most talented singer wasn't going to win after all by Season 3 when Latoya got booted. I turned away for an entire season and so I have no feelings about the winner of that season, some blonde lovely who sings about Jesus or something with a country twist. Last season, I admit, I was sucked back in when I happened to stumble across the try-outs (THOSE are funny). I had Chris pegged as Da man from the get-go. When he was voted off, well, that was that. I shall not watch it again.
But that brings me to the subject of this review... America's Got Talent. The reason I felt obliged to mention AI (American Idol) above is because this show, AGT, has Simon Cowell written all over it too. The guy simply knows when a pony's gonna win the race, that's all there is to it. He has replaced Paula with Brandy, Randy with Michael Knight... Uh, I mean David Hasslehoff (and for good chucks, you should look at his new "video") and himself with a cranky Piers Morgan, who is a just a slightly nicer version of Simon himself. This is a mix-n-match show, searching for variety and novelty acts according to the website, with singers, dancers, jugglers, even weird painted people dancing around on stilts decorated with what suspiciously appeared to be tinfoil. I am so glad I wasn't high when I watched that part! The show is
hosted by Regis Philbin..yes, Regis (who said, during the broadcast, "Is that your final answer" and no one appeared to notice- I could NOT believe that!) and he seems to have taken over George Hamilton's title as "Tannest man in the US". The dude looks like an oompa-loompa, he is so orange.
So basically, you have American Idol in a slightly differing setting. I watched last night because 1. I was too lazy to get up and find the remote and 2. I was too lazy to make a member of my family find the remote for me.
The first few acts were exactly what I expected- mediocre talent, hopping around on stage for a couple of minutes before mugging for the camera and telling the audience to "Pleeeze vote for me!" I admit I was amused to see...
1. Number one of the groups was a gymnastic basketball team (wrap your mind around that one) called Team Acrodunk. But. Nothing that the kids from my neighborhood couldn't do if they spent a week learning choreographed moves, really.
2. Then second, a so-so singer, Caitlyn, I believe, unusual only because she was young, who really can't seem to sing, in my honest opinion.
3. She was followed by Sonia, a hot pink violin-playing madwoman who apparently thinks she was born to ROCK with that bad ass V of hers! I was fascinated by the broken strings dancing around her head and she whammed the hell out of the instrument, making a screeching, painful noise that apparently some people think is special. I have to agree with Piers when he says, nails... chalkboard, take two.
4. Fourth was nerdy-looking Elliot, who has an act all wrapped around doing magic...with birds. It didn't excite me, I have to admit, although I am always willing to watch some poor dork choke a chicken on national TV. But his chicken wasn't that impressive.
5. Number five on the show...Ten13Concept is...God, what the hell is it? A boy band, that's what it is. A BOY band. And not even a good one. Just because you have hair that flaps in your eyes and you can get an excitable audience to emulate your clapping hands does not mean you have any talent whatsoever. End of subject.
6. Ok, here's where the story might get a little shaky to anyone who was not there. I was ready to turn out the lights, roll over and drink another six pack, anything rather than sit through another boy band or magic birdman, when act six came on. Rappin' Granny. I can see you asking, Is this some sick joke? I thought it might be too. Let me tell you, I was stacking the jeers on top of each other in my mind, prepared to launch them from my mouth the second I saw her. My eyes were prepared to roll. A little old lady in a long red dress came out on stage and... well, I'm embarrassed to say it, but people, she rapped. And she rapped well. I realize that I'm just a Northeastern white girl who probably doesn't "know" good rap when she hears it, but this woman was decent. In fact, she was more than decent, she was totally friggin awesome in Northeastern white girl language, and I could not help the gigantic shit-eating grin that I felt crossing my face as she prompted the audience to "KNEEL" (to the granny). I really, really LOVED that shit. I'm sorry, I know you don't believe me. But watch it tonight, and tell me I'm wrong.
7. So my expectations were higher after Rappin' Granny left the stage and I was not disappointed with Act Seven, a magician named Nathan who blew me, and the audience, and the judges, away with his totally funkalicious trick that had women A. Putting him through a mechanism that turned him in to a poster B. rolling up the poster and stuffing it in a cannon, C. Shooting the cannon into the audience, in a shower of glittery confetti and strings, where ... D. Nathan appeared and HOW DID HE DO THAT???- well, I don't really want to know the secret, that takes away all the fun, but I did like his act. I tell you, I'd buy that for a dollar.
8. Number Eight was Miss Precocious, no, really her name was Bianca, an eleven year old who apparently channels Janis Joplin with very little trouble. I thought it was funny that, as she said, last week she was told to change her look and her song choice, and when she did so this week, she was chastised for mixing it up and told to go back to her old ways. Any 11 year old could be forgiven for getting a little pissy at that kind of treatment, so I was very impressed at how well she took the and said she do just as they said... This week, not last week....
9. And I come to Number Nine, my real reason for reviewing this show. The reason? I want to know WHY. Why is this juggler, Kenny, on this show? Before his act, there were film clips of him dropping things left and right. A big production was made out of bringing out the Fire Department before he began, and he said on camera that he feared lighting the audience, or the judges, on fire. So I'm expecting something risky, crazy, maybe a little dangerous. Instead I watched a guy...well, juggle. He put on fire-proof gloves, then juggled three flaming balls, three flaming bars, and three flaming bars with branches. Three of each. End of act. I kept thinking I hit the snooze button in my brain, but nope, that's all there was to it. The same juggling I expect to see at any traveling circus that passes through town and gives out free tickets to children at the grocery store checkout stands. Now here's the bewildering part. After each act, the judges get to either "CHECK" the act, in effect approving them, or "X" the act, giving a big ol' raspberry. All three of these judges, while professing that they were certainly surprised he hadn't dropped anything or lit anything on fire, gave him a check. HUH? What? WHY is this guy on here and why did he get three checks? I smell a setup. My theory is that Kenny's uncle is a executive producer of the show and the judges were warned to put him through.... or else. There can be no other logical explanation. Hey, no, I'm not saying I can juggle. But a LOT of people can, and this guy was just no better than anyone else I've seen juggle three items at once. At the aforementioned circus, I saw a guy juggle five flaming swords and all he got was a handful of applause, and a handful of cotton candy thrown at him by one of his younger fans.
10. Ten was the act I admit I was waiting to see. Trey Night's Stilt World. Streamers of torn clothing, stilts, painted faces, dancing, and one cute little blonde waving around flaming balls...and no, she had nothing to do with Kenny, I don't think, although her performance was at least as interesting as his. Set to funky music, these guys prance around on their stilts, doing all kinds of weird steps and high kicks and... whoops, one of them fell down. And I mean she CRASHED and burned. As The Hoff mentioned later, she did recover quickly, but the fact that she fell at all, Piers says ominously, "in the semi finals of a show like this" (and I'm wondering, like what? Her crash was better than Kenny's juggling) disqualifies them as being the part of America that's GOT talent, in the judges' eyes. Stilt World got two X's. I have to say I felt really bad for the fall-er, you could see on her face that she knew she had let all of them down, failure was all on her shoulders, it was all her fault ...and she was bumming, man. Still, the act was at least interesting, which is more than I can say for, yes, you guessed correctly, I was going to say KENNY, the non-amazing juggler un-extraordinaire.

So those are the ten choices to vote for, and as the phoning-in viewer is warned, only your first ten votes count. Hmmm... only ten votes count on a show judging...ten acts. But I'm not going to waste time trying to figure it out. I used my ten votes for Granny and Nathan the magician and I just can't wait to see who wins in the end.

5 Comments:

Blogger alethegoodsoul said...

Hahahahaha my god... I had seen the show before but reading your review just made it even funnier! *gasp* Have you seen the old dude that strips? He's like 80 years old and a professional stripped!!! It's fun to watch it 'cuz there are so many weirdoes there. I've also liked your blog and expect my return and a bunch of my comments comming your way, sista!

9:03 PM  
Blogger Meowkaat said...

Hey- I KNOW YOU. I blieve I like your blog. LOL, yeah the show is toooo funny. And last night- they had on the "weird" acts... whoa. That's all I can say. Whoa.

8:15 AM  
Blogger The Pagan Temple said...

Those two girls and the magician were the best on the show. Rapping Granny is cool, but really now. Yeah, Bianca has got Janis Joplin down to a tee. What a voice, that kid is going to go a long way, mark my words. The other girl too, she was really good the first night she was on.

The stilt people? It's an interesting concept, but they need to work on it some more. I'm not just talking about the accident, they were just kind of ordinary. Plus, they need to go beyond just the stilts if they are going to be successful.

12:47 PM  
Blogger Meowkaat said...

ah, another fan... I knew you all lurked out there, like me too embarrassed to admit your addiction to finding out exactly who/where and what in America has got talent. I can see you all coming out in droves now... and army of AGT fans, carrying signs painted with "BIANCAAAAAAA" and "KNEEL to the QUEEN" and "NATHAN can make MAGIC with me ANYTIME".
Soon we'll take over the world.

10:07 AM  
Blogger The Pagan Temple said...

Well, it's better than most of the crap that passes for "reality" programming. Most of that stuff is awful, including "American Idol". Two other good ones are "Supernova" with Tommy Lee, and one whose name I can't recall, but it's a comedian contest. That one though comes on oppossite "House", which I refuse to miss.

10:11 AM  

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